Elle why men cheat

Around this time, the first of my friends confessed his adultery. We were standing in the back of a darkened hall, watching someone give a speech. As we chatted, Tom offhandedly mentioned that he was seeing a woman on the side. She was younger than he was and engaged. I asked him where exactly they had sex. He said she worked in the hotel business and so had access to rooms. For several weeks afterward, whenever Tom and I met, we would talk about this woman.

I began building a fantasy of her in which she looked like a movie star. I googled her to try to find a picture. Imagining this woman, I started to find my own wife less attractive. My wife has very light hair on her legs. She usually shaves her legs to just above her knees. Suddenly, I started being annoyed that she didn't shave all the way up her thighs. It was a while before I saw Tom's wife, Lauren, after he disclosed his affair to me. Lauren has pale skin that she makes even whiter with makeup.

It gives her a Kabuki appearance. Lauren, Tom, my wife, Christine, and I sat in a booth at a restaurant, and all through the meal Lauren was unpleasant. Among other things, she scolded Tom for going to the bathroom too many times. Usually I find Lauren annoying. That night, though, every time I looked at her, I felt sad. She was wearing a shawl, and this made her appear shrunken.

She did not know that her husband was cheating, yet to me she looked like someone who was ill and suffering. When my wife and I left and were walking down a sidewalk, I put my arm around her. It is hard after you have known someone for a while to see her afresh. Sometimes when I have done something that hurts my wife so much she cries, I can suddenly see her with new eyes, suddenly see her without preconceptions.

That night, having seen Lauren being harmed, I was able to look at Christine as if she were a stranger. I could see her as someone who could be hurt, someone wanting to be happy. I lifted my wife's hand to my lips and kissed it. The image of Lauren in the booth that night, wrapped in a shawl, her face ashen, has become a touchstone.

I think of her, and a rush of protective love for my wife floods into me. What happened that night was not just that the door into adultery got heavier, but that I began to understand how much I loved my wife. One of the things women don't realize is that most married men live in a culture of adultery. We see it all around us.

We have friends who have cheated on their wives. We have been on business trips where we went to strip clubs and our colleagues went into the back for hand jobs or more.

We don't tell our wives, of course. A lot of husbands still operate with the idea that what gets revealed among men stays among men. Part of this is based on boyhood ideas of not snitching. Part of it, however, is based on a more cynical motive: If we were to tell our wives, they would begin watching us more closely, and as most of us married men keep in mind the possibility that one day we too will have an affair, to tell our wives would be to diminish this chance.

You might believe that your husband or your father or your boyfriend doesn't think this way. Comments Close comments menu. Video link. Close X. Click to scroll back to top of the page Back to top.

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Story continues below advertisement. Streaming infidelity is on the rise. How do couples cope with infidelity? Micro-cheating is such an internet-y word, so easily turned into a hashtag, that it has quickly spawned much debate online, particularly on Twitter. While one side blamed social media Tinder, Instagram et al. It seems the hardest part to grasp about micro-cheating is how to determine when it crosses over from friendship into something more. How do we know if we are the guilty party or a victim of micro-cheating?

Is it a term even worth validating with concern? According to Dr Rowan Burckhardt, a psychologist and the founder of The Sydney Couples Counselling Centre, micro- cheating is a new word for age-old behaviour. In the past, it may have meant flirting with someone at a bar while your partner is out of town. But today, you could be sitting right next to your significant other who is none the wiser to your swiping, texting, DMing or Snapchatting with someone else.

There are more options, but far fewer guidelines.