How can hate destroy lives

This exercise has been shown to lift the mood and bring a sense of optimism, both of which bring lasting benefits. Research has shown that people who engage in envisioning their best self for five minutes a day for two weeks experience a more positive mood and an increase in optimism compared to people who spent the same amount of time simply thinking about activities in their day. For five minutes a day, this is a great use of time.

This activity involves expressing gratitude to people who have done kind things for you. This includes both minor and major acts of kindness. This could be a letter to an elementary school teacher who inspired you to be your best or a visit to a neighbor to let them know how much you appreciate knowing they are there.

It can be any letter or personal trip and conversation expressing to someone what they have done for you, what it has meant to you, and that you appreciate them. These expressions of gratitude bring great benefits to the recipients, but even greater ones to the person expressing the gratitude.

Most people who engage in this activity report that they still feel positive feelings from it days or even weeks later. This is like taking a staycation. It involves creating a day that's filled with positive experiences that you'd have on vacation while minimizing the stress you'd have in your regular schedule. It operates under the same premise that the other positivity-building exercises follow—that an increase in positive emotional states can bring a greater sense of optimism and resilience—and it has the added benefit of minimizing stressors for the day.

This can offer a nice interruption from chronic stress and a chance to recover emotionally. To do this, create a day filled with activities that you enjoy. Learn the best ways to manage stress and negativity in your life. Experiential avoidance and bordering psychological constructs as predictors of the onset, relapse and maintenance of anxiety disorders: One or many? Cognit Ther Res. Two sides of emotion: Exploring positivity and negativity in six basic emotions across cultures.

Front Psychol. Fischer AH. Comment: The emotional basis of toxic affect. Emot Rev. Optimism and well-being: A prospective multi-method and multi-dimensional examination of optimism as a resilience factor following the occurrence of stressful life events.

Cogn Emot. Comparing happiness and hypomania risk: A study of extraversion and neuroticism aspects. Effects of the best possible self intervention: A systematic review and meta-analysis. The proximal experience of gratitude. Your Privacy Rights. To change or withdraw your consent choices for VerywellMind. At any time, you can update your settings through the "EU Privacy" link at the bottom of any page.

These choices will be signaled globally to our partners and will not affect browsing data. We and our partners process data to: Actively scan device characteristics for identification. I Accept Show Purposes. Table of Contents View All. Table of Contents. Managing Negative Emotions. Negative vs. I hate my life … And sometimes I can tolerate it. Jennifer, look for a garage apartment, or room for rent close to where you need to go to school. Find a job near it also. Get a bike. Maybe help the homeowner in exchange for rent.

Seek a support group at school, maybe there is a roommate opportunity. Just some ideas for you to look into, and decide from there. No woman should have to live in fear and servitude to an angry, or unappreciative man. Jennifer, I understand. Keep your eyes open for answers and ideas.

Ask people at work and school for ideas. Ask God for help. Blessings and love sweetie. I can relate to your feelings. I had so many. Losses i gave up on love greaving. So much stuff. Sometimes Justice is just getting away from it. Not allowing the continuation. Let the other person suffer over the loss of you and realize their mistakes. Always remember that your are no less than him. Now,i can tell that you have an Asian background. I am from Pakistan. Parents are like that in our regions.

You have to play tactics. Psychological put down will work for your husband. Start treating him unimportant. Show him that you like the way he treats you. Let him know that you are very happy with your life. Always be busy and be creative and keep talking to him about new ideas like new inventions and technologies or life hacks. It sounds weird but i bet you that it will work. This is making him aware of your worth. He would surely respect you or at least would be scared of your knowledgeable status.

Ask him the question to which answers he would never know. This is a slow psychological put down. In front of him act healthy and slowly start pointing on how unmindful he is about his health and body.

Dont act this way all of a sudden instead start off slowly. Just keep putting him in troubles in one way or another. Just call his office from an unknown number to complain about the way he acted to you as a costumer. This will make him realize on the way he acts. Add some abusive or harsh comments in this typo work to let his boss be angry at him.

During this time be very gentle to him and show him mercy. Just randomly tell him that he is stingy and that he farted tonight while sleeping. This is a brain game to make him feel low. Be honest to him by showing him how bad his behavior is.

He must know hes ugly faults. Thanks and do reply on more tips. Where in the world did you get this stuff? Reading your slightly evil but most likely deserved shenanigans was the best unexpected giggle I really needed. I hope things start to make some sense soon. Everything you feel is right, and okay to feel. You can do this alone! I understand your situation and can empathize it because I underwent the same. LIsten, life is full of choices. In your marriage, if you feel like you are straining too much, what is the point in continuing the same life.

First of all, be yourself and learn that you are not on the earth to act or live according to others expectations… It kills your every moment. So accept them as they are. Let us change. Bring harmony in your relationship. I know how distressing your life if you were abused by him my possible assumption. Thirdly, you always have the choice of divorce which should be done only when it is required. I hope that you can do something about it.

I am disappointed in my life, I hate school because I feel pressured I feel bored all the time and scared of my grades.

The best part of my day is being cut short because of my parents, this is when I am actually happy but my parents scream at me doing a hobby everyday that I enjoy just play video games and when I get off the game I just get depressed over homework.

Get evaluated for ADD. It sounds like you may have it. When I have Vocabulary test, I worry so much about my grades. It gets even harder cause you have to remember all words. My parents would always tell me to not give up. I lived a similar life and then came home and found my husband dead one day. Now I am stronger than I was before, but life is still hard it s just in different ways. I can tell you one thing from reading your words. You are stronger than you think. I can hear it in the way you expressed your situation.

The love you have for your son. F your husband and F your father. They could never understand how you feel even if they wanted to. At the end of my husbands life and at the end of my father s life they both turned to me for strength when they were weak. This was something that I never would have predicted happening. I was there for each of them, but ultimately they both died and left me. It s been 8 years that I have no husband and 14 years that I have no father. I do miss them.

I love them. Your son will be a better man because you will see to that. You are strong enough to reach out for help. Let them worry about themselves. You are beautiful. I love you because I feel you are a kindred spirit. Hold your head up. You re not alone. There are people like me who really do understand. I have a great man in my life in my son in law. My daughter married a kind positive helpful man.

She choose him but I know a big part of the reason for that is because of the things I taught her. You re a good mom, which is the hardest job in the world. Love yourself…. After reading your comment, I feel compelled to reply. I cannot imagine the frustration you must feel in that situation.

Just hold on and pull through. I have a lot of stress at school and i feel really alone. I feel like i have no one to talk to and really need help. That a stupid horrible thing to sa. You appear to have chosen the easy option…. Really Calvin? Yes Em it is the easy option. Many people think that getting a degree in anything will make you rich, but you have to look at the specific jobs that will pay you the amount you want and worth the extra education you got.

You assume that Jason did not look for work in his area of study. I know it would me feel worse about myself. I have a dual Masters in education and the only job I can get is a preschool special ed teacher.

The hourly rate is great if only I can get enough hours. I deal with children who are real hellraisers, and I hate it. Interviews are far and in-between and that crock about networking on Linked-In is a crock. Every day I have to go to work is a struggle. I am currently trying to find work, as usual, and it is hard.

I have no spouse, family or friends for emotional support or otherwise and my work does not care about the emotional health of its teachers. At this point, I would take a job scooping poop, if I could get one. Anything to get out of working in education.

The thing about what Jason said is correct. Who you know and who knows you and likes you enough to help out gets you a job. If I knew then what I knew now I would have forgone college and gotten into a tech vocation, such as programming or even working in healthcare in radiology or surgery, saved my money and stayed out of debt. Maybe they can help me find some money to pay for school or an apprenticeship. Maybe I can start a small side hustle. As much as I hate the life I have now, forget pride, I just have to keep scraping up the little energy I have left and keep moving.

Did you try any city, state or private agencies? Did you try linking back to your alma mater? Did you try talking to colleagues you liked at an old job or even schoolmates?

Family, friends? Did you try craigslist, job lists, temp agencies and volunteering? Check out side hustling websites? I wish you luck, Jason. I hope you find something just right for you. Love the mantra SOME people project on this forum. Easy way out you say? There is no easy way out of life. Getting educated in these times of turmoil and depression is not as Simple as getting a Degree or other accolade.

I have 15 years experience and have worked on Multi-Billion dollar projects. I have been unemployed for near on 2 years now. So getting stuffed with qualifications is a paradox of biblical proportions!! My friends around me have near on nil qualifications and can find work easily. Most of the Engineering jobs in WA go overseas for a fraction of the cost.

My wife works in Medical and very secure, but the kids have been unemployed since leaving school. Australia needs to fix this fast or all the valuable talent they have here will go abroad to find work. Sad times indeed. Calvin…nice support. This is not facebook where stupid comments and judgements exist. Just shut up. I understand what you mean, I feel much the same way. You did it once, so you could do it again.

Or you could put equal effort into a non-academic direction promotion at work, etc. Writing and self-publishing is my outlet and gives me hope. You might want to look into the Tiny House movement as a way to free up some excess clutter. Plenty of stories such as yours in that community and how people got themselves out.

I know exactly how you feel. I am a 39 yr old single mother who is raising two teenage boys on a fixed income. But nothing ever seems to work out its the same shit every day.

Sometimes I just wonder what is the point of it all. Cosmic, I can so relate. I have been a single mother of two girls for over 10 years. It just sucks. I dont go out, do drugs, etc. I provide a stable environment for them. But what ever I do to try to excel nothing goes right. I just down right really hate life and myself. I am tired, unappreciated, hopeless and what else you can describe it.

Let me know please. You will get there someday…. Not when but IF they flower into the great people they will be. One of mine is suicidal and ran away at So to Nanasie and Cosmic… sorry but the sad truth is you may be worse off after your children leave you! Regina is wrong.

She is polly anna. Its comparable to a death. I happen to think, while going through it, it is worse than if they died, because if they died, you can at least tell yourself that if they were alive, they would talk to you, and you could enjoy them. This life makes me so very sad every day. It is rare to get a day that I actually enjoy. Its like torture, only not as bad as the physical level but emotional torture day in and day out.

No wonder our muscles ache so much. I am going through the same thing as your son is going through and guess what….. Instead of trying to help your son, you are wishing him dead. Try and help him please. That is what I wish that my mother would have the empathy to do for me. Gee, you remind me so much of my peachy mum. Made it clear how much she went through for me, injuring her back during pregnancy at all. She divorced my dad when I was a teen and never contributed a dime to my education — or to really anything much at all — even when I was still in high school.

She loves to make fun of my student debt, part of which was used to pay her for my car which my Dad wanted me buy for reliability right before I went to grad school. So — just to prove a point — just that once she opened the piggy bank and told me I could pay her back for it after done with school. But she was all over me about that so finally I took out a student loan just to pay her back, even though I was on a scholarship at that point. Her disapproval of my life has been quite clear since I was I have told her straight — I feel your disapproval — and she denies it to my face.

And then passively aggressively does junk like this — all the time. She loves to triangulate. She loves to talk bad about her kids and grandkids, unless you are one of the current golden ones, then she uses them as her flying monkeys… hmmm….

In my 30s I was in a long term relationship. And was like — watch out he will turn out like his dad today he has a great job and is doing much better than me and told me he was relieved to not have my mom as an in-law — and I get that. And yes, with her neg influence, I fled the relationship, best one I ever had.

Yes I take responsibility for that ultimately. When we got together, we had our picture taken — young cute happy. She received a copy which she never displayed. Right before we were about to break up, had our couple picture done again against my will — just totally nagged so I did it, not dressed for it. She is much happier when I am miserable. So I did have a nice stretch of no contact — about a year or two of absolutely no phone or in-person contact.

Finally after many years I actually was on the up! So I finally gave all that up and could feel like what it must feel like to not have someone around rooting for your failure.

Sadly I made the mistake of going to visit my family last year it is hard to not get to see anyone because of that one bad apple. The trip was a disaster and this was mostly due to her constantly nagging me to do things exactly as she wished, even though I told her — repeatedly — where I was staying, etc.

Just kept insisting that as I was her daughter I should be staying with her. She denied the reality of my views and existence as a separate person with my own proclivities and preferences during that trip.

It is called gaslighting and it is incredibly confusing. I came home again and I was miserable again. I became so depressed… self-sabotaging myself self-consciously because that is how my mom likes me best — as someone she can lord over as I am not actually a person to her — just an object she created and has rights over.

But dammit I will get better again!!! But I know that after the last visit, she could not be bothered to do so. It all got back to me via the sibs. Talking about my mental health still when I am not in the room. Looking to gain sympathy. Gets called on it and still does it habitually.

I have just had to grieve — I will never have another mother. I have to be my own mother. It is important for me to stay in that mind set so that I can feel self-nurtured. BTW — other relatives have completely stopped talking to her as well — two in particular that she was once very close with. Weirdly, this makes me feel even worse. I always thought of her as strong. I hoped there were others there where I could not dwell any longer in a total selfish move toward self-preservation.

I implore YOU to go to therapy before it is too late — before you are too old and set in your ways to change. Because as of now, in case they ever GOOGLE you — my advice would be that they escape from you as soon as possible and never look back.

That will be the path to mental health. I know how you feel. I sincerely hope that your life change in a phenomenal way where luck embrace you like never before and close doors are opened for ever. Your heart will soon dance in joy and all your desires and dreams comes true. This is the prayer of another mother to you and your kids. I am with you wholeheartedly. I really hope happiness comes knocking at ur door very soon so keep your heart open.

Love your friend x. It is easy to focus in the sad days than good. I hate life when I wish I could spend more time with my kids than work. Here is the catch. I also sometimes have to remind myself the people I affect at work and at home.

Why is it that I get the business while my co-workers stuggle? So I think about the impact of what I do and say everyday to the people around me even to my child. I struggle with this everyday because I know that people measure success monetarily. I make excuses not to take a higher paying job because I want to stay humble.

I watch people I know: friends, clients, co-workers, relatives and associates who have higher educations and yield higher paying jobs than I do but are miserable. I would like to ask you to watch the movie Butterfly Effect and it might just change how perceive your journey in life.

God gives each of us a certain task in life. Continue to be thankful that you have the privilege to have an impact in this world. Make it positive and a loving one and God will put you in his favor.

Try your best at everything you do and stay positive no matter how hard life is. Our suffering is nothing compared to what God went through already. Interesting Jason. You and Me are in the same boat. I admire you Jason. I worked 30 yrs in my profession of choice, made good money,got fired and I feel like a total nobody. I hope other doors will open up for u as u are highly educated. I hope ur situation changes. I sought legal counsel,but unless I can prove discrimination,I have to keep my mouth shut.

I just want to run away from home. I understand. Going through the same. But least your doing something than nothing. For your family. But keep trying to apply.

Good luck! Life does change. That I know. I should really hate my life, but at the end you must realize that life is what you make of it. Keep up your spirit and optimism, life has its ups and dows, and I assure you that things will get better, but you have to change things in your life.

Never except something to change if you keep on doing the same things. I feel like I have to prove that he is wrong. Not a way to live. I even get criticized for wanting the house clean. Is that guilt on their part for not helping? I get negativity. I also hate my life at least tonight. I have been unhappy in my marriage basically since the beginning and we do therapy each and have done therapy together and it just seems to be the same old same old same old all the time.

Now I find my kids annoying whereas before I was more in their enchanted headspace and able to meet them there and in joy. I have feelings of hate for him. He ignores me all the time and then says or acts like that is normal and expected behavior in a family.

I have become accustomed to it and I have become smaller and I resent the shit out of him for that. I am not able to go back to the land of enchantment?

I just feel horrible. I feel like a horrible mean parent. I feel stuck in a loveless marriage. I feel addicted to the fantasy of my husband actually noticing me or caring about my feelings. I hate my life. Why am I feeling so damn grumpy a lot of the time? I am I just feel yucky all the time.

I know this is self-pity; I am thinking maybe if I purge it by saying it, it will go away. What do you do if anything to recharge? You need to recharge in order to meet the demands of your kids you use to have the energy for. As selfish as it may seem you need to take care of you first before you can be a better more patient person for your kids.

Remember, people like to be around people that are happy. All the best to you Sara!!! Anyone older than 44 would love to be your age. So yeah I can relate to the marriage situation. I hope it improved, and that you now find yourself happy? I feel your pain dear. I hate my life and my loveless marriage.

The only solution for me is to leave and start from scratch. I have 5 kids and no place to go to. I use to feel that way when I was married to my ex. I knew that was not love so I kept searching and searching till I found it!

Now I find myself feeling down because I feel unappreciated but this time is from my kids 5 kids except from the baby that is 18 months. Well that happend to mine. Love yourself. OMG— I seriously thought that maybe this was a post I put up and forgot about. Take care of yourself. Sarah, I was married for 15 years, spent many of them depressed and often going through cyclical periods of he and I going over the same old shit. The only thing you can really work on in marriage is yourself and who knows, that may ultimately benefit the marriage.

I have now spent longer divorced than I did married. And like the marriage, there have been good times but also very, very bleak ones. I left work today in sheer despair unable to cope with overwhelming sadness and went to my GP to get anti depressants.

I sometimes wonder, what might have changed back in that marriage had I been able to get myself happier. There are so many people that have a story to tell.. Some worse than others.. It makes others sad or feel there situation is okay compared to mine.. In saying this The only advice I can give I have solace in prayer and this somehow gets me through..

Good luck and God bless. Sharing helps others know they are not alone in their situation. Your story us worth telling.

I hate my life!! I have no friends nobody to talk to or anything. I have a boyfriend but our relationship sucks so bad. What am I suppose to do?? I use to be so happy and now I feel like crap all the time. Where did the old me go? Yeah I hate my life too. Is there anything you enjoy doing? Reading, for example, writing? These can all be a positive outlet and a source of distraction.

What do you think about mostly? Hopefully one day you can share your experience with someone in your current position and help them to see that they too can create their own light at the end of the tunnel. Kick that negative inner voice to the curb and take hold of your future!!! My attitude spiraled into an abyss of bitterness and ire. When you let your mind create imaginary negative experiences, it perpetuates the already negative feelings you have.

When your mind begins to go there, stop the thought. You can control your thoughts and where you take them. I once watched a talk show host do a segment on gratitude. Taking a suggestion from the show, every night I would open my journal and write down five things I was thankful for.

Sometimes these things were small, but they were sincere. When transitioning this same thought process toward the difficult person, I believe it has the same cathartic quality. Although not always easy, I have found there are always reasons to be thankful. To the self-absorbed co-worker who only ever talks about herself, I am thankful I realized how tedious it is to be the recipient of a one-sided conversation. When you redirect your thought pattern to gratitude, you set your mind on a path of positivity.

Positivity perpetuates more positivity. In my innate desire for everyone to get along, I have found myself eagerly trying to find peace with difficult people.

If they would give an inch of acceptable behavior, I would want to take a mile, believing a healthy relationship could be formed.

Most times the unacceptable behavior would reemerge, ripping open a fresh wound and leaving me feeling angry, hurt or annoyed. I learned setting boundaries with the difficult person was an antidote to discontentment. Boundaries are a good way to maintain a safe relationship with the difficult person.

Boundaries are sometimes physical, like simply avoiding being around that person, but sometimes boundaries are also conversational, like knowing what you can and cannot talk about to keep the peace.

Find out which boundaries work for you and live within those.